,i had a gurl i love so much before i left for england,a white chick approached me dat she wants to be ma friend and den we moved on,now she is asking ma hand in marriage and i am deeply in love wit ma girl in Nigeria,wat shuld i do
 
 I hav an elder sister who urgently nids advice. She is engaged to a guy who lives in d Village. He graduated 4 years ago bt stil lukin 4 a betta job. They are due to marry in a couple of months bt he now complains that he hasn't got a good job and dat he can not afford d wedding rites and ceremonies. Bt d truth is that he is alrdy 33 and my sister 31. Recently he says he wants to call off d wedding cos he feels they both are not financialy ok. Shud she agree n let him go? It is however obvious they need each other. If not for love at least cos of age.
 
this has been weighing me down lately and I need advice from my fellow reasonable sex lifers in Naija.... I love my gf nd she also loves me, bt the issue is she's ashtmatic nd dat has been d major challenge in our relationship. Her emotions most times trigger her to breathe heavily(The ashtma ish), Though I dnt ask her for sex, bt even if we sit together or kiss nd she feels horny, she starts feeling disturbed nd she finds it hard to breathe, she complains abt chest pain also nd it always seem as if she wanna choke up! Am always freaked out nd really disturbd cos I find it so hard to withstand the pressure nd pain she feels wheneva it happens! I luv my gal so much nd all I want is her happiness.... Plz wat can we do to control her emotions affecting her health issues, ur advice is really needed cos am distabilized as same thing happnd 2day! Thanks

 
I really nid hep on dis pls,I no longer have feelings 4 guys,n my sex urge is increasing,d only thing I think about now is sex,sumtimes I mastubate,I ve slept wit more dan 2 guys now dat I dont believe I cud ever do such a thing wit, once u dont satisfy me I hate u,sumtimes I wil be asking why? I used 2 be a very responsible lady until I was maltreated by differentkind of guys,I no longa believe in dem,I believe any gud thing can not com 4rm dem,, my heart is so rigid dat I ve been thinkin of getting kids n be on my own,I have not been hapi wit my life,dis is not who I use 2 be,I use 2 be d opposite of who i am now,I'm dying I think I need help,I use 2 be a born again Christian but it's real hard 4 me now 2 pray,I dont know what 2 do 2 get myself out of dis mess.

 
 I am a guy of 23yrs and fair incomplexion and handsome too.I don't know why I find it difficult to have a girlfrend and wen I try to have one,after toasting de lady,I get discouraged de next day.But I find pleasure in goin after prostitues in hotels.Most times,I wen I feel lyk havin sex,I just find myself with one of dis ashewos at de hotel.Pls I need ur advise bcos I can't continue with dis kind of lyf.Tnx
 
I have a girl dating for 6yrs,so one day she brought her sister's First daughter to my place and my friend saw the girl and they started dating each other behind me & my girlfriend.
few month later the issue was leaked out to us and my girl was annoyed and shifted the blame on me that i knew about it.and i told my girlfriend dat i'm innocent, so my girl said she and her sister's daughter can not mari in desame place because me and my frnd are living together in the same room for now.either she live me or my friend live the girl. few months later my girl started double date with me and i catch her. she told me dat was the reason when my friend doesn't leave the girl she's thinking of leaving me. when she said that i decided to have another girl incase she did what she said. in this process, i fortunate 2 meet a virgin and we luv eachoda very much.and my former girl are still coming 2 me bec it difficult to leave each other but the luv is not like before,the day i
disvirgin d girl and i decide to tell my
former girl dat i'm nt doing again bec. i hate double dating,and she her
self nw call me dat i should forgive her
dat she now repent and came
back to beg me and started reminding me of where we started so i'm now so confused.pls who do i choose. between the virgin girl and my former girl.i luv both of them till now o.so i'm confused.

 
Plz admin help me post this , its urgent.
Plz there's this married man i knew through an uncle of mine. He've been asking me out but I don't know how to turn him down. I accepted and gave him a date but to be frank I don't want to answer him but don't know how's to tell him. PLZ HOW CAN I TELL HIM THAT without his feeling bad towards me cuz he's to help me with many things to promote my life
 
If it hits you hard, take dressing

You are not married not because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don’t know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested instill has her womb intact.

They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.

A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case wherea girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.

Isn’t it surprising how single ladiesnow out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?

Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are evenafraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.

I have a female colleague, a very pretty girl who lives in her own house and drives a posh car. She also has different businesses to show for it. Recently, I advised herto calm down a bit as friends I introduce her to who ordinarily would have gone for her, all run away after meeting her and come back to me with the same word, “Amara, this one go send me go village.”

Another reason you are going to grow old in your father’s house is this: You want a ready-made man instead of a growing man with vision. Are you aware that if you have not obtained favour from God, the man will decrease instead of increasing when you enter his house? Work on your character, the words that come from your mouth, your lifestyle, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the places you visitand then spend time trying to findfavour before God because it’s only favour that can make your husband increase the moment youstep into his life.

In fact, the moment a man proposes to you, there must be some positive movements in his finance if at all you have obtained favour.

It is never your duty to find a man.While he is working trying to raise money to sustain whoever he takes home to his mother, you should get yourself busy obtainingfavour from God for you to be his source of blessing. A man knows when the wife is a source of blessing and that is the only time he cherishes you.

In the previous paragraph, I said the man should take you home to his mother. I don’t understand why you get married to a man who believes it’s just between the two of you. Read the Bible; they all took their wives home to their mothers. If a man cannot take youhome to his people, something is wrong. Isn’t it surprising how many of us are married without knowing our husband’s village and his mother’s bedroom? Marriage, in the African culture, is not between the man and woman alone, the two families must be involved.

Hey, you have to stop moving from one prayer house to the other in search of miracles that are not coming even after you might have emptied your pocket. Go back to your room; deal with your character and bad nature thatis filled with pride and disrespect for the elderly. Cut down on frivolities and that is not all, deal with your party and aso ebi spirit. You must also deal with that thingthat gets you to aimlessly move from one end of the street to the other all in search of precious souls to destroy. Change that mentality that says you use what you have to get what you want; any man you get with your ass is as filthy, unreliable and irresponsible as you are.

Common girl, go deal with yourself first before you start blaming your step mother of being the one keeping you down. Stop blaming your neighbours andfriends of standing on your way toprogress. I just told you the bitter truth which your Alfa, Babalawo, pastor and Imam may never tell you. Stop wasting your time chasing shadows, go and deal with yourself first before complaining.

I know of a wonderful lady who sings so well that when she comesto lead in worship, miracles take place. People love her, but this lady is unmarried till date. It is notbecause men don’t go to her for marriage or because she is ugly; her number one obstacle is her character. They say there are manyold single ladies in our churches; I think I know the problem and not that most of them wasted their lives in frivolities only to realise the last minute that they have to run into the church where they can get a brother to marry.

I am not trying to judge anyone’s past, but the issue is that even when they join those churches, their characters don’t change. It’s really appalling how some ladies talk to men simply because they are in the same church. Some of them fight everyone in their department in church while some live their lives begging from one member to the other.

What do have to say about ladies who fight for food during church meetings? Those guys would be foolish to see the stuff you are made of and still go ahead to takeyou home to mama.

I always tell ladies that if by the age of 30 no man had asked to know if you are for sale, there is something wrong somewhere; its either spiritual or attitudinal, but the truth is that it is always more attitudinal than spiritual.

You have been fasting and prayingand going for all levels of deliverance but it seems nothing is working. What is your character like after all the prayers and religious devotions? It is sad whenI see a single girl walk up to a married woman sitting with her husband and telling the woman toget up because she was there before her. You attend functions with extra bags to pack food and drinks and when it’s time to hit the dancing floor, you do that as ifthere is no tomorrow. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office?

This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office? This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough.

 
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A new relationship—whether personal, romantic, or professional—is a lot like buying a new car. Driving it off the lot is pure bliss. As you look around, you can scarcely take it all in. Everything smells, sounds, and looks terrific. You coast through weeks or months—maybe even years— of happy driving before you’re aware of anything that needs fixing. And like a car, when a relationship breaks down, it’s overwhelming; you’re left stuck on the side of the road wondering what went wrong.A trained eye knows when a car is in trouble. From the sound of the idle to the color of the exhaust exiting the tailpipe, there are telltale signs of distress. The same is true of relationships, and you can be your own mechanic. Researchers at the University of Washington discovered four clear indicators of relationship failure (dubbed “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”) so profound that they predict the future success of a relationship with 93% accuracy. The researchers in Washington conducted their studies with married couples, and their accuracy rate for predicting divorce has held up for more than 14 years after watching couples interact.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen reveal problems for relationships of all types. They represent the counterproductive acts we can easily fall victim to when our emotions get the better of us (aka, a lack of emotional intelligence). As you read each of the Horsemen and consider its relevance in your relationships, remember that conflict itself is not a problem. Conflict is actually a normal and (ideally) productive part of two people with different needs and interests working together. The researchers in Washington found that the amount of conflict between two people had no bearing on the success of the relationship. It’s how conflict is handled that determines a relationship’s success, and the Four Horsemen’s presence means conflict is not being dealt with constructively or productively. Follow the strategies provided for overcoming each of the Four Horseman, and your relationships are bound to be successful.

The 1st Horseman: Criticism

Criticism is not to be confused with delivering feedback or otherwise seeking improvement or change in another person. Criticism becomes, well, criticism when it isn’t constructive (“This report is terrible.”). Criticism, in its most troubling form, focuses on the individual’s personality, character, or interests rather than the specific action or behavior you’d like to see changed (“You are terrible at writing. You’re so disorganized and tangential.”). It’s one thing to criticize without being constructive; it’s another to go after someone for something they are unable to change.

Overcoming Criticism:

If you find yourself criticizing when you planned on being constructive, it’s best if you don’t deliver your feedback and commentary unless you’ve planned ahead. You’ll need to think through what you’re going to say and stick to your script in order to remain constructive and avoid criticism. It’s also best if you focus your feedback on a single specific behavior, as your reactions to multiple behaviors at once can easily be perceived as criticism. If you find that you cannot deliver feedback without generalizing to the other person’s personality, you’re better off saying nothing at all.

The 2nd Horseman: Contempt

Contempt is any open sign of disrespect toward another. Contempt often involves comments that aim to take the other person down a notch, as well as direct insults. Contempt is also seen in indirect and veiled forms, such as rolling of the eyes and couching insults within “humor.”

Overcoming Contempt

Contempt stems from a lack of interest in the other person. When you find that you don’t enjoy or admire someone— perhaps there are things about him or her that used to be interesting or charming and now they’ve lost their luster— contempt can surface unexpectedly. If your disinterest is unavoidable and the relationship is one that isn’t going anywhere, such as a family member or coworker, then you need to focus on managing the relationship itself. People who manage relationships well are able to see the benefit of connecting with many different people, even those they are not fond of. Common ground, no matter how small, is a commodity to be sought and cherished. In the immortal words of Abraham Lincoln, “I do not like that man. I must get to know him better.”

The 3rd Horseman: Defensiveness

Denying responsibility, making excuses, meeting one complaint with another, and other forms of defensiveness are problematic, because they prevent a conflict from reaching any sort of resolution. Defensiveness only serves to accelerate the anxiety and tension experienced by both parties, and this makes it difficult to focus on the larger issues at hand that need to be resolved.

Overcoming Defensiveness

To overcome defensiveness, you have to be willing to listen carefully to the other party’s complaint, even if you don’t see things the same way. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. Instead, you focus on fully understanding the other person’s perspective so that you can work together towards resolving the conflict. It’s critical that you work to remain calm. Once you understand why the other person is upset, it’s much easier to find common ground than if you dismiss their opinions defensively.

The 4th Horseman: Stonewalling

Stonewalling is what happens when one person shuts the discussion down by refusing to respond. Examples of stonewalling include the silent treatment, being emotionally distant or devoid of emotion, and ignoring the other person completely. Stonewalling is problematic, because it aggravates the person being stonewalled and it prevents the two from working on resolving the conflict together.

Overcoming Stonewalling

The key to overcoming stonewalling is to participate in the discussion. If you’re stonewalling because the circumstances are leaving you feeling overwhelmed, let the other person know how you’re feeling and ask for some time to think before continuing the discussion. Maintain eye contact and a forward posture and nod your head to let the other person know that you are engaged in the discussion and listening even when you don’t have something to say. If you stonewall as a matter of practice, you need to realize that participating in discussions and working together to resolve conflict are the only ways to keep your relationships from crumbling.


 
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The power of attraction is a very useful thing. There is a common misconception that physical appearance completely determines attractiveness, but this is simply not true. If you want people to be drawn to you, there are a variety of things you can do as a woman that will have others flocking to you in time.




BE DISTINCTIVELY YOU
Be yourself. If you observe people at a party or any social gathering, you'll undoubtedly see the majority of guys drawn to women with unique (but not intimidating) personalities. It's never a plain Jane, following the herd, to whom they all gravitate, is it? So ask yourself, is there anything you could improve about your personality or who you are to make yourself more interesting and fun to talk to?

LOVE YOURSELF
You can be pretty but still unattractive if you don't start to love yourself. Nobody will care how shiny and thick your hair is, for example, if you keep complaining about your waist size. Confidence is a powerful attractant, so you need to learn to be confident.

HAVE YOUR OWN PRINCIPLES
This will help you maintain your moral compass and keep your social life tidy.

DONT LISTEN TO THE OPINION OF OTHER WOMEN PURSUING MEN
The only opinion that matters is your own. Women have their own perception of beauty and what they think males find attractive. "Wear this," "Do that," "Show your left ankle; men love it, and they will respect you for it too!" Yeah, no. Even this list is mostly written by estrogen-infused homo sapiens who, just because they might be in a successfulrelationship, think the tips they got on Oprah were spot on. Example A, the Dress: women love dresses. "It's so beautiful, Tiffany!" Men see a moving curtain. So, yes, MR JOHN said you looked good as you walked down those stairs ready for prom, but that's because he had to. Example B, Makeup: in the pursuit of men, never wear lipstick or nail polish. Foundation is good, but don't make yourself look sticky and gooey (like Christina Aguilera).

BE HEALTHY
Eyes take kindly to a woman who takes care of herself, and that means finding a happy medium for your weight, eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising. Plus, being healthy makes you more energetic, better for your mental health as well as adding to your confidence - who can resist that?

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN
Blemishes (especially on your face) can be very distracting. Wear sunblock daily to prevent future wrinkles and sunspots. Wash your face regularly, and apply makeup to accentuate your complexion.

BE HYGIENIC
Maintain yourself so that you always smell and look fresh and lovely. Take showers, brush your teeth after every meal, wear clean clothes, etc.

KEEP YOUR HAIR HEALTHY AND STYLED
They say that the hair is the portrait of the face, so it has to look great. Greasy or damaged hair is always unattractive. Always comb and brush your hair every day. Get a haircut or style that fits your facial shape.

BE NICE
A rude person turns ugly in the eyes of whoever who sees her, but a nice person turns into a prettier person in the eyes of everyone who sees her. Try to be nice to everyone, but be ready to defend yourself against any rude attitudes, since letting people walk all over you is not very attractive, now is it?

SMILE
Don't walk around all the time with a frown or even a neutral expression on your face. Even a little smile will make you more attractive. What else could be more inviting and approachable? All in all, be readable. You don't have to be predictable, but for goodness sake, do not keep a poker face when it comes to emotions. Guys do not like to feel unsure. As bad as it is asking for directions, asking a woman how she feels can be dangerous! This is why so many guys won't do it if they can't already tell if a girl is into them or not. Don't smile too much though. Most guys these days fall for mysterious women. So smiling when men aren't expecting it can make them stammer.

BE WILLING TO PARTICIPATE
Whether it's talking, eating, gaming, dancing, or snorkeling, it's only polite to join in. A person who just sits there watching might as well be wearing a flashing neon sign that says "I'm a boring person who doesn't like fun!" However, this does not mean you should join in drinking or partying if you're not into those things. To get involved, walk kindly up to them and ask, "Do you mind if I join you?" If they say yes, have fun! If they say no, that usually indicates that they are mean and not very open. Try to avoid people who don't even notice you or are excessively mean to you for no reason. If they say no, try to find some other people to try to be friends with.