My name is Gbemi. I want to share my story. I'm not asking for advice. I just want women to learn from what happened to me. I'm going to try to make the story as short as possible. Here goes...
I met this guy Steve, when I was just 13. I was waiting for my visa cos I was meant to continue my education abroad. He was my 1st ever boyfriend. At 1st, he didn't know how old I was cos I looked older than my age. As the young girl I was,I was naïve. He later found out how old I was. He was 12yrs older than me. Surprisingly,he stayed on with me but never touched me(something most men would hardly do). I then traveled abroad to continue with my education. We would stay in contact through e-mails & phone calls. I would come back home to naija sometimes & on one of those occasions, he took me to meet his family. Sometimes, we wouldn't see each other for over a year.
When I got into Uni, I stayed faithful to him still. My friends would tell me I'm wasting my life 4someone who's probably cheating on me back in naija. I didn't care. I knew he said he would marry me so I believed him. I thought to myself "men always cheat". Doesn't mean I should do same. As hard as it was, I stayed faithful. Guys started calling me a lesbian. I took it knowing my man appreciated my being faithful to him. By then, we had stayed over 2yrs without setting eyes on each other.
Finally, I relocated back to Nigeria. Before then,I had been noticing Steve had started acting weird towards me. He wouldn't call me till I called him. Even when he called it would be just flashing. I was a student. He had a job.I was the one meant to "flash". Even though its expensive calling naija,I would call whenever he "flashed". For sometime,he stopped picking my calls too.I felt all this was happening cos he hadn't seen me in 2yrs. I knew probably he had met another girl but I felt it wouldn't b a serious relationship since he wanted to marry me & I had met his family & they would call me from time to time.
When I finally moved back home, few months later. He broke the news to me. He had gotten married & he had a kid. I was so shocked. I couldn't believe it. But he didn't stop there. He told me he didn't love his wife. Said his family pressured him into the marriage cos they felt I wasn't "serious". Said he just wanted to please his mom (his dad is dead). He cried & begged me on his knees not to leave him. Said he still wanted to marry me. Said the wife he married was for his mom, so he wants to marry for himself now. He cried, begged n begged. Asked y he never told me about the marriage. He said didn't want me to feel disappointed in him & then leave him. Stupidly, I fell for his lies.
I never for one day asked him to leave his wife for me. That would have been plain wrong. Even when I knew I was there b4 her. He told me he couldn't leave her too cos he didn't want to hurt her. According to him,it was his mistake so she shouldn't pay for it. He told his family members & friends he still planned to marry me. It made me have confidence in him not knowing he was a liar. I was getting prepared to meet his wife cos I wanted to get along with her. I knew it would be hard for her like it was for me,but I was willing to put in the effort needed. Let's just say, I was brainwashed by him. Through all this, I never let my family know he had gotten married cos I knew it would pose a problem.
Well, that was years ago. I've finally found out that he used me. I have a lovely daughter by him now. She's almost 3yrs old. The scales finally fell from my eyes after I had her. Steve changed towards me. Showed me he did not want me or my daughter. I found out much later that he lied about his marriage. Yes, family pressured him but it wasn't an arranged marriage like he claimed it was. Found out he never planned to marry me. My daughter hardly sees her dad. Everything he told me was all lies. He met a woman, fell in love, got her pregnant, & married her. Then I wonder, y did he beg me to remain with him when he knew he was lying to me?? Y couldn't he just let me go?? Y did he keep lying telling me he loved me?? Y??
Funnily enough, he still claims he loves & want to marry me still.he thinks I'm still the stupid naïve girl who he could control. I realize he just doesn't want to see me with another man. Something snapped in my head. I wanted revenge & wanted it badly. For all the yrs I had spent with him which ended up being a waste of my time. By then, I had spent a total of 13yrs with him. I hatched my plot. I slept with his best friend(before then, I had never slept with any other man). And told him about it. He cried, asked me y I did it. Told him it was to get him back. Surprisingly, he forgave me. Took a while, but he did. I laughed hard in my mind. I pretended to feel bad about what I did. Both men aren't friends anymore. Steve still hasn't told his friend that he knows we slept together.
I'm not done yet. This is just the beginning. I don't plan to sleep with any more of his friends but I would hurt him in a way that wldnt be so easy for him to forgive. I want him to feel the hurt I've felt. Feel the pain he made me feel & feel what's its like to love someone & have all your love thrown back into your face.
Funnily enough, he wants to come meet my family officially during this Easter break. I'll play along. He can't brainwash or mess with me again. Sometimes, cos of my attitude towards him now, he tells me he feels I'm not sorry for sleeping with his friend. I beg him & try to act like I'm sorry. Hahahaha!! Other times, I tell him, yes I'm not sorry!
Men, are evil. Steve lied to me, used me as a punch bag d little times we'd see, so its my turn now. I now know how to punch back. Where it hurts.

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